


And I Will Try To Fix You

by Lynn_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Father Sam Winchester, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy Sam Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Jealous Sam Winchester, Love Triangles, Reader-Insert, Uncle Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:25:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_Winchester/pseuds/Lynn_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader met Dean and John on a case a few months prior to meeting Sam in Stanford. Together they fought, up until Sam was killed, resulting in Dean following in John's footsteps, and selling his soul to bring him back. During the year that they looked for a way to save Dean, Sam fell for a girl he saved during a case, and the two had a little girl together. Weeks later the woman of Sam's dreams was ripped apart by demons, leaving him all alone with his brand new daughter Maggie. Reader makes desperate attempts to save Dean to no avail, while helping Sam with the newborn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thought I had. Figured it could make for a cute story!  
> More chapters later!

The sound of small crying met your ears, as little Maggie squirmed in her bassinet. It was nearly daybreak you noticed as you sat up from your bed and rubbed your eyes. You glanced over to Sam who, sadly, had spent yet another night on the chair in the corner of his bedroom. He was still asleep, cradling the infant in one arm, and propping up his head with the other, completely exhausted. Maggie didn't sleep much, causing the both of you to lose out on your own. 

Slipping from beneath the warm covers, your bare feet touched the cool floor and a shiver tingled up your spine. The weather was getting colder now, considering it was late in September, and the leaves had begun to turn. Maggie whined and Sam didn't move, too exhausted to even hear her. You stepped over to the two of them, taking Maggie from Sam's hold, and nudging his shoulder gently. 

"Sam...hey Sam. Come here, come lay down so you can get some proper sleep." Your voice was soft though Maggie continued to whine, and Sam stirred slightly before looking up at you. 

"Y/N? What time is it? Is Maggie okay?" He looked down at his empty arm and panicked for a split second before he noticed the little bundle in your arm. He leaned up and looked over the edge of the little cocoon she was wrapped in, running the back of his index finger over the baby's cheek. You smiled and nodded before responding, offering your hand to help him up. 

"It's about six I am guessing, and she is fine, just hungry. I'll go feed her, and you can lay down for a few more hours. That is the fourth night in a row you've slept in that chair, it has to be murder on your muscles." Sam shrugged and yawned, getting to his feet and shrugging, weighing the options of going to sleep, or making breakfast. 

"It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, no, but the nurses at the hospital said it dangerous to let the baby sleep in the bed with the parent. She could suffocate on a pillow or what if I rolled over on her!? I am a tree in case you haven't noticed. She wouldn't stand a chance." There he went, worrying about scenarios again over situations they were already sure to avoid. 

"I wouldn't stand a chance either, you are a tree." You giggled before turning away, heading toward the kitchen. Sam had bought an adorable house in Lawrence Kansas, just a few miles away from the home the boys had lost Mary in. Sam thought it was poetic to start over at the beginning, and since Azazel was dead, there was no more immediate threats in the area. The house had two bedrooms. At the time, the first was meant for Sam and his fiance, and the other a nursery for Maggie. After his fiance was killed, Sam kept his room, and no longer felt comfortable having Maggie down the hall, so he shared a room with the baby, and left the other room open for whomever needed it as a guest room. 

Since Dean had been taken to Hell, you and Sam hadn't gone on many cases. A handful at most, all close by, and only one of you would leave at a time. Sam was still grieving, not only over the loss of his big brother, but the loss of his fiance, feeling like he was completely on his own, with no idea whatsoever on how to be a parent. You considered leaving. Dean had died in yours and Sam's arms. You loved both Winchester boys, and couldn't imagine how your life would have been had Dean and John not come along, but when Sam fell for his girl, you couldn't help but shy away from him some. 

Dean had taught you a great deal about hunting, months before you even met Sam, and John adored your passion for the business, and loyal personality. Once John died to save Dean, everything changed, and then it was just the three of you. You had all been through so much over the past few years, that it was still so hard to believe that Dean was gone. You and Sam had tried everything to get him back, but it was impossible. Dean was your best friend, your go-to guy when you had a problem or needed to talk. He had always known what to say to make you feel better, and always did his best to watch out for you and Sam. 

Now, with him gone, you had lost that fire that kept you on the road. Sam had no desire to search for a case, and neither of you went to save anyone unless Bobby called, or one of you noticed the signs in the paper. Anymore it was just you and Sam, playing house in this cute home, without the romantic bits of course. From time to time he would fall asleep with his head in your lap, or vice versa, and that was okay. 

The two of you were close, especially lately only having the other to talk to, and you both tried to be okay for the other, always hiding the sadness you both harbored. No. Sam wasn't Dean, but he was there. You helped him with Maggie as best you could, laughing every time the poor guy hit a roadblock. 

Stepping into the kitchen, you cleared your mind of all these thoughts, swearing up and down you weren't going to think about Dean being in Hell again. Something was wrong. You could feel it. More wrong than usual, but you couldn't figure out what. You cooed at the infant, making her a bottle, and slipping it into her mouth, sighing in relief when she fell silent to drink the formula. 

Sam stepped into the kitchen, deciding he couldn't sleep, and leaned against the counter. 

"Hungry? I was thinking I'd make waffles, eggs, and bacon." His offer was sweet and you smiled, nodding to him in agreement as you hummed to the baby and began to pace around. 

~~~

Later that afternoon, you busied yourself with cleaning house while Maggie took her nap. Sam was on the phone with Bobby, and though you wanted to listen, you decided if it was any of your business, he would tell you. A few minutes passed and Sam hung up the phone, slipping into the bathroom and leaving the door open as he turned on the tub faucet. He prepared Maggie's bath, got her undressed, then all of a sudden he came running into the living room, hollering in disgust, holding the baby an arm's length away.

"Oh God! She is peeing on me! Y/N! For the love of God, help me!" Sure enough, you looked over and Maggie giggled as a stream doused the front of Sam's shirt. You couldn't help but bust out laughing at Sam's distress, taking the baby from him and heading into the bathroom. You bathed the little thing while Sam went to get a clean shirt, giggling again as he groaned and sat on the edge of the tub beside you. "I swear, every time I am around and her diaper is off, it's like I am just one big target. I swear she aims for me!"

"Well Sammy, it isn't like you would be hard to hit. You are the size of a tree you know." Both of you laughed together before Sam assisted in bath time, agreeing to clean up while you got her dressed. Once Maggie's pajamas were on, you swaddled her up, sat in the rocking chair, and within moments after finishing her bottle, she was fast asleep. You placed her into her crib and turned on the night light, stepping out of the room. As you entered the living room, Sam had made popcorn and was flipping through Netflix before he motioned for you to join him. 

You both spent the evening sharing snacks and the blanket, watching movies and actually, for the first time, laughing together. the two of you used to laugh together all the time, then, no more. It seemed to be returning, and things were starting to feel normal for once. Sure, you both missed being on the road, but being home was more important for Sam's daughter. Granted, nothing was really keeping you here, but for some reason, you just couldn't bring yourself to leave. 

"Hey thanks for taking care of that situation for me earlier." Sam started to speak between movies. "I know I don't say it enough, but I really appreciate you helping me. Honestly I would be totally lost with all this baby stuff, so thank you for being so patient while I try and get the hang of it."

"Oh, it's not a problem Sam. John wasn't exactly the greatest of role models to base your skills on, so I am glad to help out. You'll get it eventually, you won't need my help forever. You are great with Maggie." 

"Y/N?" Sam started with a bit of hesitation, moving his eyes from the floor to your face. "I don't want you to go. I keep thinking that one of these days you are going to go out on a case, and decide that you miss hunting. You'll leave and go to do your own thing, and I just...I don't think I am ready to lose you too. It'll happen someday I am sure, it always does, but can you promise me you won't go anywhere, for awhile at least?"

His tone was terribly sad, and you could almost feel your heart break a little. Here he was, this big, tall, muscular, heroic, guy and yet, he felt he needed you around to keep his brain from exploding. You became a little teary eyed and clicked your tongue before moving forward and wrapping your arms up over his broad shoulders. 

"Sammy! I am not going anywhere, okay?" You released him and looked him in the eyes, sad, but flattered. "We are both messes, and a lot of bad things happened all at once. I don't think either of us can function properly without the other right now. I mean I pretend I have it all together but I am just as distraught as any normal person would be. Hell, I still go out to the garage and take the tarp off the impala, get into the backseat, and cry while I listen to Black Sabbath, Metallica, and AC/DC!" You paused as the two of you laughed just a bit, remembering how tired of those three bands you both had been, and thinking on it now, how damn much you both missed hearing it. 

"I miss him too Y/N. I just avoid talking about it. I bury it with everything else hoping it'll go away. It's my fault he is gone in the first place."

"Don't you do that Sam Winchester. Don't you dare do that. Dean put this on himself because he loved you. You didn't twist his arm and make him take that deal. So don't...just don't." Your words were sad, missing Dean more and more the longer you both thought about it, but your thoughts were interrupted when Sam ran his fingers gently over your cheek. You didn't even have a moment to process the gesture before he leaned forward, and touched his lips to yours.

You were surprised, to say the least, having never been in this kind of situation with Sam before. You were both in vulnerable places, and you thought if it could help Sam feel better, then maybe it could help you too. Closing your eyes, you moved your mouth against Sam's, enjoying it for the simple thing it was. Sweet, innocent, with just a hint of need, not just from Sam, but from yourself as well. It had been ages since a guy had kissed you this way, and it was going on five months since Sam lost his fiance. After a few lingering moments, you both moved back a bit at the same time, your cheeks flushing red, and an embarrassed smile playing at the corners of your mouths. 

"I'm...gonna go check on Maggie." You said this as you got to your feet, trying to hide the blush on your cheeks. Sam nodded and let you go, allowing you to practically sprint down the hall. What the hell!? Since when was kissing a thing!? Well of course it's always been a literal thing, but never between you and Sam! There were a few times Dean had kissed you, but it was always justified by a cover. The two of you had to play a couple at a charity auction, or that one time at the bar when the creep was hitting on you and Dean stepped in. He never had to of course, but it made it seem more believable when he did, then again, Sam didn't have to just now either. 

Your head was in a bit of a tailspin, as you checked over the slumbering baby. Sam appeared in his room a good five or so minutes later, having changed into his sweats, and climbing into his bed. He gestured for you to come sit by him, and you complied easily. 

"Would you mind staying in here? Sometimes it's hard for me to hear Maggie when I am asleep." A smile crossed your features as you rolled your eyes, nodding an getting up to change. Once you readied yourself for bed, you came back into Sam's room, and closed the door behind you. The nightlight cast a dim brightness, allowing you to make it to the bed without stumbling. You got in on your side and rolled to face Sam who was laying there with his eyes closed. 

"You're welcome." You teased in a mock annoyed tone, causing you both to laugh before he mimicked your tone to respond. 

"Thank you...I owe ya one."

"You owe me several Winchester." The both of you laughed again and he rolled over to face you. 

"That I do Y/N. That I do." With that said, he pulled you into a hug, exhaling deeply, and within a few moments you both slipped to sleep, wrapped up in each other's arms.


	2. Impossible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Sammy are getting a little more comfortable, but what happens when Dean comes back into the picture straight out of Hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, I'll make the next chapter longer I swear!

Over the last few weeks, things were a bit touch and go between you and Sam. The awkward situations were abundant, occasionally not knowing what to say to the other, or where the boundaries were. You were both too shy to just out and ask, so the two of you became comfortable dancing around the other as it were. So far, nothing had ever exceeded kissing, a makeout session every once in a while, but never anything more. Neither of you really knew why you hadn't, considering you were both pretty stressed, sad, and vulnerable, not to mention there was no one around to stop you, but the fear of messing everything up scared you both, keeping the actions at bay. 

You woke this morning in Sam's bed again, Maggie in her crib beside you. By the sounds of it, Sam was in the shower, so you were okay to get dressed. As soon as you finished, Sam's phone lit up and began to buzz across the table. The ID read 'Bobby', so naturally you answered, knowing Sam wouldn't mind. 

"Hello?"

"Heya kiddo, what are you up to? Sam around?"

"Oh not much. Just starting another day, same old thing. Sam is in the shower. What's up? Do you have a case for us?"

"Not really, I just wanted to talk to Sam about this prank call I got earlier. It's no big deal, I just wanted to vent." Sam stepped into the room just then, wrapped in a towel and dripping wet. He mouthed his words, asking who was on the phone, nodding once he figured it out. 

"Oh, Bobby, Sam just walked in. Hold on." You passed the phone to Sam and stepped out, giving Sam and Bobby their privacy. 

It wasn't until breakfast was served that Sam decided to clue you in, rather perturbed by what Bobby had said.

"Someone prank called Bobby this morning. I guess whoever it was pretended to be Dean..." Sam's voice trailed off, wondering what kind of jerk would call the poor man, pretending to be his dead makeshift son. Was it a joke? Some cruel way to get a rise out of Bobby?

"That is sick. I swear, some people..." Your voice was sad too, having similar thoughts as Sam. The remainder of the morning was spent between the two of you passing Maggie back and fourth, forgetting about the call, and laughing together. Sam got up and grabbed his bag around noon, turning to face you as he headed for the door. 

"There is a vengeful spirit about fifteen minutes out. Bobby just sent me the text. I am going to go and take care of it and I should be back before Maggie's bed time. I'll keep you posted. You don't mind, do you?" He was always considerate like that for you, making sure you didn't want to get out for a bit before taking on a job. You agreed to let him take this one, and to your surprise, he kissed you before he left, promising to hurry back. 

Sam left and it was just you and baby Maggie. the day was normal and boring up until you got a call on your cell from an unfamiliar number. You answered without caution, figuring it was some random hunter Bobby had told to call you about a case. 

"Hello?"

"Yes, is this Ms. (first and last name)?" The woman on the other line sounded rather elderly, and still you assumed it was someone calling to ask you to get rid of a ghost or perform an exorcism. 

"Speaking. Who is this?" Your reply was polite, though you kept just a hint of authority in your tone.

"Ma'am, I am Rosa Gale, an emergency nurse in the intensive care unit for the Lawrence County Hospital. We have a patient here in critical condition with your information as an emergency contact."

"Pardon? Oh my God, Sam?! Is he okay!?" Immediately your mind flashed to Sam, horrible images of some freak accident that would land him in the ICU. Vengeful spirits were no joke, and if he ran into more than one, then it was likely he wouldn't be walking out unscathed. 

"The body was found on the side of a dirt road a good twenty or so miles out of town. A farmer from that way passed by in his truck and called the ambulance right away. The injuries are unlike anything we've ever seen, but he remains in a comatose state, so we are still unaware what happened. Luckily he was carrying a wallet, but his medical card was the only readable document. We ran it and a Mr. Samuel Edwards came up with your name and number listed as the emergency contact. Are you familiar with Mr. Edwards?"

It took you a moment to think. Was that one of Sam's aliases? You hadn't memorized them all but you were sure it was him. He hadn't called or messaged in hours, and your heart began to race as you picked up Maggie and put her in her car seat. 

"Yes! Yes, I am sorry! This is a real shock for me. I am on my way now."

"Alright sweetheart, I will have the forms ready upon your arrival, but I do need to warn you that Mr. Edwards is in a rather gruesome state. We are still unsure if he will wake or not, so please brace yourself appropriately."

You hung up the phone and slid it into your jacket pocket, carrying Maggie's seat out to the garage, and pulling the tarp off of Baby, the beloved Impala. No one had driven it since the day they buried Dean, but desperate times called for desperate measures. You buckled Maggie in before getting into the driver's seat and heading to the hospital as quick as you could. Pulling out your cell, you hit the speed dial to call Sam, hoping with every fiber of your being he would answer so you could put your mind at ease that it wasn't him.

No response.

You had to have called close to ten or so times, but he never picked up once, and you could feel your adrenaline rush through your body. You grabbed Maggie and sprinted into to hospital, giving your name and hastily signing all the dotted lines. Rosa, the nurse from the phone led you down a long hall in the ICU, stopping at a doorway after what felt like ages. 

"This is Mr. Edwards' room. You may go in now if you like, but just remember what I said on the phone." The nurse gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder before turning to leave you in peace. Your heart pounded against your chest, terrified to know that a mangled Sam would be behind the door. Taking a deep breath in, you held it, before placing your hand on the doorknob, and pushing it open. 

There, laying on the bed, mangled beyond belief, wasn't Sam Winchester at all. To your shock and horror, it was none other than his elder brother Dean. Tears came to your eyes immediately as you rushed over, touching the side of his face gently just to be sure what you were seeing was real. He was here, banged up and bloody, but alive. It looked as though he crawled straight from Hell too. There were various puncture wounds, deep bleeding gouges, black and blue bruising, welts, scars, cuts, and more, all covering most of his skin. This was the worst you had ever seen him, all hooked up to various wires and tubes, laying helplessly in some hospital bed. 

You called Sam at least forty more times and still nothing. 

After an hour or so of sitting there, crying, and talking, to an unconscious Dean, your phone vibrated in your hand and to your pure relief, Sam's name came up. 

"Sam?!"

"Yeah, what the hell?! Is everything okay?! I have sixty seven missed calls from you!"

"Maggie and I are fine but we are at the hospital here in Lawrence. You need to get here. you aren't going to believe this..."

~~~

You didn't have the heart to tell Sam over the phone, so you waited to let him see for himself in person. The moment you hung up with Sam, Dean furrowed his brow, and began to stir. Getting to your feet, you took his hand and waited until his eyes focused on you. He half smirked, but couldn't speak due to the tube in his mouth. He pulled it out himself and looked up in a foggy haze before he spoke in a very hoarse voice. 

"Atta girl." His favorite phrase.


	3. Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes home and there is major tension between himself and Sam. Reader realizes that there is a choice to be made...

Your eyes went wide and lined with tears, looking at Dean and thanking God he was alive. You leaned forward and hugged him gently before taking the seat beside his bed. He looked a wreck, the nurse wasn't joking, and you were terribly surprised he had even woken up. 

"Dean, what happened? Sam and I have been working with Bobby to try getting you out of Hell for months. How did you do it?" It was a pure miracle, and you hoped with all your heart he knew the answer. He winced as he spoke, terribly weak, and had to force most of his syllables out. 

"I don't know...I was there, then all of a sudden...something dragged me out. I couldn't see what it was, the light was too bright. Next thing I knew I was in a pine box six feet under. I...crawled out, started walking...then collapsed. Now I am here."

"Yeah, the nurses found your wallet and told me I was an emergency contact on your alias. I thought it was Sam at first. Scared me half to death." It was then that Maggie wiggled in her chair, making a cooing noise and drawing your attention. You leaned over and scooped her up, cradling her in your arms and Dean's eyes went wide. 

"What the hell...Y/N...how long was I gone for?"

"Four months, almost five. Why? How long did you think you were gone?"

"A lot longer...she, that baby...she isn't yours, is she?" A look of panic had crossed Dean's features. He had died before Maggie was even born, and likely after everything he had been through, he had completely forgotten about Sam's fiance. You let out a bit of a giggle and propped her up so Dean could look at her.

"Heavens no. This is Maggie. She is your niece. Remember? Sam and his fiance Laura were expecting." A look of relief washed over Dean's face and he nodded, the memory returning to him. 

"Oh...well good. I thought I was going to have to kill someone for a second there." The two of you laughed lightly. Dean Winchester. Forever protective. He lifted his hand to brush his index finger over Maggie's hand, and the baby cooed happily. "Hey there little one. Nice to meet you."

Sam came walking in then and he stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Dean!? Y/N...what did you do?! How did you get him back?! I swear if you tell me you sold your soul-" You raised your hand and shook your head, stopping him right there. 

"It wasn't me Sam. I didn't do anything. I got a phone call..." You calmly explained to Sam the entirety of your day, putting him at ease fairly easily. Sam stepped forward and hugged his brother, the two of them hanging onto it for a moment. 

"I never thought I was going to see you again Dean. Y/N haven't stopped trying to get you back since the night you died." Sam pulled up another chair and sat beside you, gesturing to take Maggie, and cradling her into his arm. It wasn't unusual, considering he had been gone all day. 

The three of you chatted away a bit, talking about Sam's recent cases, but no matter what was asked, Dean avoided the subject of Hell like the plague. He didn't want to talk or think about it, and he gave nothing on the subject.

~~~

Three days passed, and Dean was released from the hospital, ordered to stay on bed rest for at least another week. His surgeries had gone well but he needed time to heal, and moving around wouldn't help. You and Sam set him up on the pull out bed in the living room, making sure he was comfortable before Sam took Maggie to get her changed, and you headed to the kitchen to start dinner. 

Dean made his way slowly to the kitchen before leaning on the counter behind you and half smiling. 

"What's cookin' good lookin'?" He was trying to keep things light and off the subject of Hell. You turned with a whisk in hand, covered in mashed potatoes. 

"Dean Winchester, you lay down on that bed this very minute or I-" You began to threaten but he cut you off mid sentence. 

"You'll what? Please finish that sentence Y/N, I love it when you talk dirty to me." A look of shock hit your features as you spun around to look at him, not having expected him to come right out and say something like that. He smirked and winked, only making your cheeks flush a dark shade of red. 

"Dean! Are you serious?! Come on! You think you are so cute...well...you aren't!" You struggled to find an insult but failed horribly, kicking yourself mentally for how pathetic you had just sounded. His meds had him feeling pretty good apparently, judging by his sudden forward flirtations.

"You're right. I'm not cute, I'm adorable." Dean wiggled his eyebrows a bit but before you could retort, Sam's voice came calling out from the bedroom. 

"Y/N!" His voice was coming closer, causing you to turn and see him coming down the hallway, once again, with Maggie at arm's length. The front of his shirt was soaked, as was Maggie's entire outfit, and the infant giggled happily as she kicked her legs some. Dean looked over and stifled a laugh, causing you to slip by him and head to the younger Winchester. "She did it to me again! I swear she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you Sammy, she loves you. She doesn't know any better. Isn't that right sweetie girl!?" You cooed the last of your sentence to Maggie as you took her from Sam's hold and glanced back at Dean, then returned your eyes to Sam. "How about I handle this and you coax your brother back to his bed. I tried and he went all 'talk dirty to me'. I think it's the meds." Sam rolled his eyes before nodding, and the two of you stepped by the other.

Sam managed to force Dean back to bed and once Dean was laying down he looked up at his little brother. 

"You are into her, aren't you Sammy?" The elder Winchester almost looked upset, but kept a cool tone. Sam glanced to Dean and gave him a confused look before beginning to replace the bandages on his shoulder.

"What are you talking about? Who?"

"Y/N. Who the hell else would I be talking about?"

"Dean...it's complicated, okay?"

"Complicated my ass. It's a simple question Sam, do you like the girl or not?" The conversation began to heat, and Sam wasn't so sure the meds had anything to do with it at all. 

"Well of course I like her, she's been here since day one and even after everything, she is still here. She has helped me with Maggie, and losing my fiance, and all kinds of things with you, I just-"

"Exactly! I knew her months before I picked you up from Stanford, I knew what kind of girl she was before you even knew she existed. Who do you think picked me up and carried me through half the stuff I dealt with huh? Who do you think kept me sane when you were having your psychic break, or when you got killed?"

"Dean, she did the same for me! You were gone, I needed help! What do you want me to say?!"

"Did you sleep with her?" Dean's question was blunt and unforgiving, glaring hard at his baby brother.

"Did you?!" Sam's retort was just as nasty, and the loud voices began to echo into the hall. You finished up with Maggie and put her in her crib before heading down the hallway and catching a bit of Dean's voice.

"...that's not what we are talking about here! Mention Hell again and I will kick your ass, you hear me?!"

"You can't fight me right now, are you insane? You'd rupture something and land right back in the ER, so just forget it."

"Sammy I swear to God, if you don't answer me-" 

"Boys! Enough! What the hell!? I leave for five minutes and you are already fighting each other?! Both of you knock it off, right now." You interjected right as Dean attempted to lift himself off the bed at Sam, stopping the brawl before it started.

Sam got up and went to finish dinner, while you headed over to Dean to finish bandaging his shoulder. In a quiet voice you spoke to Dean, making sure Sam couldn't hear.

"Dean, what was that about?"

"Nothing. Just Sam being Sam. Can't give a straight answer but expects me to spill my guts."

"Hey, if you don't want to talk about what happened, then don't. You don't have to. What was it you wanted to know from Sam? Maybe I can help."

"No, it's fine. I'll figure it out myself, but thank you, and as far as what happened goes...I still don't want to talk about it."

You accepted Dean's words without problems, then retired to the kitchen to help Sam make up the plates. The three of you sat in silence in front of the television, and the tension between the brothers could be cut with a knife. They were both seething, wanting to scream at the other or beat the other to a pulp, and though you felt like you should leave the room to let them argue it out, you feared for Dean's injuries to worsen given his already broken state.

That night, Sam turned in early, heading to bed, and asking if you'd be coming in soon. You nodded and told him you were going to check dean's bandages one more time and you'd be right there. Sam disappeared and you sat on the edge of Dean's bed, checking him over, not even noticing the way he looked at you.

"Y/N...can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" You remained distracted by looking over wounds, but you were listening, not expecting the question he asked.

"Do you have feelings for Sammy?" His tone was curious, but even, and you froze for a moment to look at Dean.

"What?" You were shocked. Where the hell was this coming from?

"Do you like Sam as more than just, I don't know, a friend? Or is he more like a brother?" Dean was searching and you weren't sure why.

"Well, to be totally honest, I mean, I care about him yeah, but after being with the both of you for so long, it's kind of hard not to."

"Not like that. I mean if Sam proposed to you or something, right now, what would you say?" You thought for a moment, wondering if this had anything to do with the fight earlier or if it was his meds talking again, and then shrugged one shoulder.

"I would think he was insane. His fiance hasn't even been gone for half a year yet, so I doubt he would be ready to jump right back onto that train. He went through a lot while you were gone Dean. It's hard to explain it...we both went through a lot." Your words were genuine, and Dean nodded in understanding, somehow still not satisfied though. 

"If I asked you something personal, would you answer me honestly?"

"Dean I have never lied to you before, what makes you think I would start now?" You giggled a bit, liking that the statement was true, and waited for his question. "Come on, out with it." You coaxed but he hesitated, then finally turned to glance back at you.

"What all went on while I was gone? Between you and Sam I mean. I'm not trying to pry, I just want to know the situation so I can avoid saying something to cause awkward situations." You thought the question was fair, justified, completely opposite of Sam.

"Well...after you were gone we stayed with Bobby for a few weeks trying to get you back. During that time, Maggie was born, and a week or so later an ambush of demons took out Sam's fiance. He was totally lost, had no clue which way was up, so Bobby and I helped the best we could. He bought this house with her, but she never got the chance to live in it, so he asked me to help him get things set up. Once he was all moved in I was going to go back to Bobby's but Sam needed help with Maggie.

I ended up staying and it's been the three of us since. We took turns for cases, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, getting up at night to feed the baby, and we just kind of fell into a system and it was working. We weren't upset on the outside anymore. We buried our emotions and put up walls in some weird silent agreement not to bring up the stuff that hurt."

"So you two got close then? Leaning on each other and being vulnerable together?"

"Sort of. We had a few moments that I'm still not sure what we were thinking, but nothing serious. We slept in the same room, and sometimes on the same bed but nothing raunchy ever happened, if that is what you are trying to ask."

Dean half nodded, knowing he was busted, but feeling better that you weren't angry over his protective curiosity. 

"He kissed you though. I know Sammy. He did. Likely more than once."

You nodded, surprised he could tell, and Dean nodded too. He didn't seem upset, more relieved than anything, though he wasn't terribly pleased to hear about it. 

"I'm sorry I crashed the party. I didn't mean to wreck anything..." His voice was a little guilty, looking up at the ceiling.

"Dean you didn't ruin anything. I told you, nothing happened. We had a few weak moments and that was all. You have no idea how relieved I am that you are back here. I couldn't tell you how many nights I spent laying in the Impala, crying my eyes out, and listening to your stupid tapes I hated so much. I mean, I even kept your leather jacket." Your eyes lined with tears, thinking about how much it hurt to watch him go down the way he did, and how terribly empty you had felt without him.

"The night my family died, it was you that dragged me out alive. You were always there, then all of a sudden you weren't, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to turn, and I couldn't talk to anyone, so I held it all in until I could sneak away, and I'd just start up the car. When you saved me the first night, you carried me to the car and I was safe, she is like my home base, the one spot I can be where nothing can hurt me. I never went anywhere, but I'd turn on the radio, close my eyes, and for a second it would all feel like a bad dream. Like you would open that door, hop in, and tell me where we were headed, but you never opened the door."

A sob escaped you as a tear rolled down your cheek. You hadn't told anyone any of this, having kept it on the inside the whole time. "So don't you dare apologize for coming back here..."

Dean leaned forward and wrapped his arms around you, letting you bury your face into his good shoulder, and smoothing your hair from your face. 

"Shh...you're okay. It's all fine, you hear? I am back and I'm okay. You don't have to worry. I'm not that easy to get rid of." You managed a small laugh between sobs at his last bit, trying to lighten the mood, and leaned back, looking up at him. He smiled and dried off your tears with his thumbs, just as he had the night he saved you. 

Leaning forward, he kissed your forehead, also not uncommon, before nodding toward the hallway and winking.

"Go on and get some sleep. Everything will get better okay? I'll be here." You nodded again and smiled, allowing him to nod back, before you sealed his last bandage, and got up to turn away. You both said 'goodnight', and before you knew it, you were laying in bed next to Sam while Maggie snored lightly in her crib. Sam was also fast asleep, rolling over and resting his arm over you out of habit. 

You looked him over, and suddenly things didn't seem so easy anymore. You were officially caught between both boys, and was unsure what you wanted. On one hand, there was Dean, the strong hero figure who was easy to talk to, and ever protective. Then there was Sam, the new daddy who needed help, and had no idea how to function without you. Quite the spot to be in, considering you didn't want to hurt either one, but something told you that someone was bound to get hurt, the question was 'Who?'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and suggestions are appreciated!


	4. Hazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reader wakes to find that things weren't exactly as she thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist ahoy!
> 
> Also I may add more to this chapter, or I may just pick it up again in the next one.   
> As always, thoughts/opinions/suggestions are more than welcome in the comments below!

You opened your eyes from a heavy slumber, hearing Maggie coo in the crib beside you. Rubbing at your eyes you got to your feet, tying your bathrobe around your frame. Stepping over lightly, you could hear Sam in the kitchen moving the pots and pans around in an attempt to make breakfast. Scooping up Maggie, you stepped into the hallway, and walked quietly toward the kitchen. The moment you entered the living room, you glanced to the couch with the pull out bed, and immediately, your heart jumped.

Dean was gone.

The couch was in it's regular position, throw pillows in place, and panic writhed it's way into your veins. Setting Maggie into her bouncer, you dashed toward Sam and returned your eyes to the couch. 

"Sam! Sam, where the hell is he?! He shouldn't be getting up! He is going to hurt himself!" Running your fingers through your hair, you glanced between Sam and the couch, worried sick over the absence of the elder Winchester. You had just gotten him back! How could he just take off without saying anything!? Sam turned to you slowly, glancing at your face and stepping forward. 

"Y/N, what are you talking about?"

"Dean! I am talking about Dean! Who the hell else would I be talking about!? Did he go to Bobby's?" 

"Dean? What do you mean 'Dean'? He was never here..." Sam's expression held heavy confusion as he tried to understand.

"Sam stop playing games! We brought him from the hospital yesterday, he was there on the couch!" 

"Y/N...we haven't seen Dean in almost five months. You know that..." Sam tried to use a gentile tone, but you didn't want to hear him. 

"No! No! No! You took that case then I got called to the hospital! I took the impala!" 

"The impala? What are you talking about? It's still where it's always been, covered up in the garage. Are you feeling alright?" Frustrated, and unable to believe his words, you turned sharply from Sam and dashed out the door, making your way to the garage and prying the door up out of the way with your fingers. To your horror, Sam was correct, and there the impala sat, covered by the tan tarp. 

You yanked the tarp off, tossing it to the side, and grabbing the spare key Dean had hidden near the back bumper. Unlocking the driver's side door, you fumbled your way into the car, and forced the engine to rev to life. You knew exactly how many miles she had on her when Sam parked it here after Dean's passing, and after taking it to the hospital and back, the number should have been higher...but it wasn't. 

This car hadn't moved. In one last ditch effort, you took your cell phone from your pocket, and went straight to your call history. Nothing. No call from the hospital, no text messages to Sam, and the date on the cell phone, read as the same date you had gotten the call. Tears filled your eyes as you shut off the car, and suddenly, you could feel every inch of your heart fall to pieces. A dream? Had Dean's returning been nothing but a dream? It had felt so real...this wasn't fair.

Sam took Maggie over to the neighbor's house, asking the lovely couple there to watch her as he needed time to deal with a crisis. They took her happily, and in no time Sam arrived in the garage. The tears spilled from your cheeks and a weight felt unbearably heavy inside your chest. He wasn't here. He never had been. Your forehead rested against the steering wheel, and all of a sudden it was like you couldn't breathe. 

This was the hardest you had ever cried, and though you never wanted anyone to see you this way, here was Sam, rubbing at your shoulder comfortingly. 

"Are you okay Y/N?" His voice was gentile, feeling the pain of loss all over again, yet unsure how to handle you this way. This was a piece of you no one ever got to see. A piece of you that you never wanted anyone else to see, but this hurt. This hurt more than anything had ever hurt before. The thought of getting Dean back, having him right before you, safe and sound, only to lose him all over again. 

You couldn't form words, not real words anyway. You shook your head, hands shaking, turning your eyes to look up at Sam who looked completely heartbroken to see you in such turmoil. He took your hand in his own and pulled you out of the car, wrapping you up in his arms into a tight embrace. He smoothed your hair and rubbed at your back speaking quietly in an attempt to calm you down. 

"Shh, it's alright. You're okay, I got you...I miss him too...everything will be alright."

You wept into Sam's chest, thinking hard about what you remembered, and the longer you pondered it, the more you realized that it had to have been a dream. Dean would never have used that fake name...it wasn't like him, and it wasn't in his list of aliases. It was too easy. He had been through several emergency surgeries and had been comatose, and miraculously woke up the moment you arrived? That was an ill thought out fantasy. All that, and somehow both brothers seemed to be jealous over the other because of you? What a joke. You knew you should have known better, you should have read the signs, but you wanted to believe he was back so badly, you overlooked everything in spite of the truth. 

Yes, it was true, you had fallen in love with Dean first, but you hadn't ever told him. He never made a pass at you either, so why was it there in the dream like he had this longing for you that wasn't there before? Because it was a dream. It had to be.

It made you question for a second, just how much was a dream? Had Sam actually kissed you the other night? Your tears slowed as you realized how stupid you felt for falling for your own mind's trick, and looked up at Sam. 

"I'm sorry Sam...I didn't mean to freak you out, I just...I thought...it doesn't matter. I just thought it was real, but it wasn't." Sam nodded, as if he had gone through the same thing and understood. He wiped away your tears and offered a half smile before speaking. 

"It's okay. I've been there. Double checking everything and not being able to tell...I get it. Like I said, I miss him too." He held you close, accepted your pain, and washed it away in a matter of moments, as he always did. He was fantastic at filling that void for you, chasing away the agony and the loneliness with a simple word or gesture. He was always there to pick up the pieces, not that he often got the chance, but on the off chance he did, like now, there he was without fail.

Being in his arms this way, you felt warm and safe, like nothing could touch or hurt you. Dean had made you feel this way once, but he wasn't here to look after you anymore, not that you needed looking after. Nothing was the same as things used to be. Nothing seemed easy anymore. Then Sam came along and the world made sense again. It stopped spinning at a billion miles per hour, and you remembered just how important the little things were, and then it hit you. Right now, you were managing to live without Dean, but in this moment, you realized, you wouldn't keep on living without Sam. He was your sanity, your harmony, the light in the dark, and the happy place you found your mind drifting to when all other things went bad. 

Sam and Maggie.

Your unexpected saviors.

~~~

By lunch time, this morning's happenings quickly left both your's and Sam's minds, having picked Maggie back up and bringing her home. As you recalled, this wasn't the first time you had dreamed Dean's return, but this one had, by far, been the most real. Were there hidden meanings behind it all? Dean had asked an awful lot of questions about your feelings for Sam, trying to get you to explain them. Was it your mind's way of getting you to let him go, and open that door up for Sam?

Surely you couldn't shut everyone else out forever, right? Lunch had passed on and Maggie was down for a nap, snoozing lazily in your arms. You had taken a seat in the living room, flipping through the channels and looking up once Sam stepped into the room. He lifted his phone and snapped a photo of you and the baby, saving it instantly.

"Would you look at that? My two favorite girls having a relaxing afternoon it seems." He said this coyly with a bit of a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, until King Kong stepped in and crashed the party." Your tone was light and playful, joking along and making Sam shake his head in amusement.

"Well if you really don't want me around..." Sam said, turning his back to you and threatening to leave the room. You got to your feet and set Maggie in her bassinet, then grabbed Sam by the arm and spun him around, pushing his back against the wall. "Well this is new...not that I'm complaining." The both of you smirked and as if he read your mind, the both of you moved forward and crashed your lips together. Your arms circled up over his shoulders while his hands gripped your waist, and the both of you stumbled back toward the couch. 

Sam was always so gentile with just the right amount of aggression, and though the two of you had never gone much further than where you were now, you could only imagine what it would be like. The thought alone could nearly make you sweat, causing you to be more fervent with your fingers tracing over his arms. His fingertips ran up and down your sides beneath your shirt, and for one reason or another, you didn't want to stop. 

Sam hesitated then, pulling back and looking at your face. You looked confused to say the least, never having guessed Sam would call it off for once. The two of you looked at the other for a short while before Sam finally broke the silence. 

"If I asked you something, you'd be honest with me right?"

"Of course I would. I don't make a habit out of lying Sam, especially not to a Winchester." Sam nodded, accepting that reply with confidence that it was entirely truthful. He hesitated once more then brought his eyes back to your own. 

"Were you in love with him? With Dean? I mean...it's okay if you were, I just...need to know." His words were innocent, curious, and just a little inquisitive. He had always suspected of course, and drew his own conclusions, but he had never asked, and never found out for sure. You thought for a moment, keeping eye contact with Sam and softening your expression. 

"Yes. I was in love with Dean. I liked him right off the bat, and was head over heels in no time. It was us against the world for a little while, and I felt important...like someone needed me. Then 'the two of us' became 'the three of us' and I was happy. I was miserable before you two came into my life, and I wouldn't have changed a thing...the day you died, Dean and I were in total devastation. Neither of us ate or slept for three days, and we didn't even speak. He made that deal and you were back and all was well, for awhile anyway. Then the hounds came for Dean and with that on top of your losing Maggie's mother...

I've been hurting since he was taken, and I wish I had said something back when I had the chance, but I didn't, and I am slowly realizing that maybe I wasn't supposed to. Being with you and being with Maggie...it just feels right. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else...What I am trying to get at, is yes, I did love Dean, and part of me always will, but I don't want to be trapped in a state of devastation and mourning forever. It's been almost five months and I am craving that feeling...the feeling that I am important and needed. You and Maggie both give me that everyday, and it might be messed up, but I really care about you Sam, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you as well."

Your eyes grew a little teary and Sam had listened intently to every word you had said. He wasn't angry or jealous, nor did he show any signs of sadness, just acceptance, and thankfulness for having been told the truth. 

"I would have no idea what to do if it wasn't for you Y/N. I wouldn't have pulled through all the loss, or figured out how to take care of Maggie on my own, and I am so grateful that you saved us. I might sound like a jerk, but I care about you, despite everything else, even my fiance's death. I still feel terrible for her, hell, I still feel terrible for Jess, and yeah, I am still struggling to get along without Dean, but I think we made it through because we had each other to hold on to. I am not trying to be sappy or anything...I just wanted to know for sure instead of wondering."

Sam leaned forward, placing his hand to cradle the side of your face, and touching his lips to yours. It was soft, sweet, and overall, it expressed that he knew the truth, and he was alright with it, which was far more than you could ask for in the first place. The sweet kisses began to get a bit more heated, and before you realized it, your fingers were unfastening the buttons on the front of Sam's shirt. 

He seemed rather pleased with the notion, trailing kisses down your neck and back, not moving to stop you. You broke away suddenly, and glanced at the bassinet. 

"Maggie." Your voice was almost a whisper, and Sam just quirked a brow before lifting you up effortlessly, and carrying you back to the room the two of you had been sharing. He placed you down with your head resting against the pillows, tossing his shirt aside as he did so, and beginning to work on yours as his kisses trailed along your skin. Thoughts of Sam flashed about in your mind, and you were beginning to realize just how much of an impact Sam had on your life. 

Everyday, he was the first person you'd wake up and see, and the last before bed. You both took turns cooking for the other, changing diapers, making bottles, cleaning house, and compromised when it came to things like cases, grocery shopping, and running errands. The two of you worked so fluidly together, and in a way, you needed each other. His fiance was dead, Maggie's mother gone, his brother was also dead, as well as both his parents. Aside from Maggie and a distant Bobby, Sam had nothing else but you. 

On the contrary, both your parents were dead, you had no siblings, and no distant family, and the only man you had ever loved was now writhing in the pits of Hell and you were powerless to help him. All you had was Sam, and his tiny little angel of a daughter, and even though she wasn't biologically yours, you loved her all the same as if she were. You needed them just as badly ass they needed you, but judging by the way Sam's hands were gliding over your skin, this was a whole new level of 'need' and the scary part was how much you enjoyed it. 

The both of you grew almost ravenous, the heat between the two of you growing hotter and hotter until you couldn't hold back anymore, and neither of you wanted to. You had both resisted for the longest time, having given your hearts away to others, and now they were returned, mangled beyond recognition. The best way, however, to mend a mangled heart, was to give it to someone else to repair, and you and Sam had done that for the other over the last five months. Yes, you were both your own brand of 'broken', but you accepted one another, knew each other's truths, and still cared anyway.

Beautiful yet tragic, dismal yet something to rejoice over. Why should either of you mourn in the shadows any longer when you could both mourn openly and help the other through as you always had, inadvertently? You both gave in to the other, surrendering yourselves to a burning need, that neither of you could deny.


	5. Stay With Me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader becomes conflicted and takes comfort from Sam after a horrific nightmare...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this chapter comes from this youtube video. If you wish to understand a small piece of the Reader's character/current state of mind, please give it a listen!
> 
> I do not own anything in regards to it, nor do I know the artist/cover artist. I simply heard the song and was moved and inspired!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGs2f1ncMgA

Once you and Sam had finished your rather intimate endeavor, the both of you slipped to sleep, wrapped up in the other's arms. You were almost afraid to sleep, fighting the urge to slip away into your own subconsciousness, afraid of what you might see this time around. At first, the darkness was peaceful, tranquil, and relaxing, giving you the much needed rest you had deserved, but all too soon a sound rang in your ears, and in your sleeping state you turned to peer into the darkness. 

A voice could be heard, sinister and threatening, but too muffled to actually understand. The voice grew louder, and a light formed in the distance, causing you to walk cautiously toward it. You stepped into a room made of concrete, cold walls stained in blood, and before you stood a man beside a table, though he couldn't see, nor hear you. He was a tall older man with a voice that sounded rather nasal. A body lay on the table before him, still, but breathing. 

"Come come now...", the standing man said, holding a jagged dagger above the restrained person on the table. "All you have to do is agree, and you can get up. We won't have to do this anymore, and all the pain will stop. Agree to my terms and I will make you better...better than you've ever been before." No answer came from the victim for a long while, and the tall man grew impatient. He laid the jagged blade onto the victim's skin and pulled downwards in a very slow fashion, causing the victim to struggle some before finally crying out in pain. You knew that voice.

Dean was restrained on that table, and the man maneuvering the weapon was killing him. The wounds on Dean's skin were deep, his blood pouring out as he screamed, begging for the man to stop. 

"Please! I can't take anymore!"

"Hush, hush now boy, I've said it countless times. If you want it to stop, agree to my terms. Do as I do, to others like you, and be great, in a sea of damned. Agree to be my apprentice, and no more pain will ever grace you...In your world, you've only been here five months, but down here, time works a little differently. Every month up there is ten years here. You've withstood nearly fifty years of this Dean, and it's just the beginning if you keep refusing me."

A blade met Dean's flesh again, plunged into his shoulder with brute force and twisted savagely to the left. Blood gushed from the wound and you covered your mouth to keep from screaming yourself. Tears streamed down Dean's face, likely from pain, and possibly from the pure hurt of being broken, not only physically, but mentally as well. Fifty years? You could barely fathom it, just laying there being tortured day in and day out. Dean was strong, that much you knew, but everyone had a breaking point.

The demon in front of Dean grew frustrated, and took a new instrument he had pulled from the nearby flames. It resembled a wicked hot poker, and within seconds he jabbed it into Dean's chest, frying his heart and allowing him to scream louder than ever before, then fell lifelessly. Unbeknownst to you, back in reality, your body began to writhe and sweat, tears rolling down your own face, and screaming the word 'no' over and over, waking Sam and causing him to panic. He couldn't break you from your nightmare, but to you, it was no act of an active imagination. 

You could feel the flames, hear the screams, and the moment that poker slid into Dean's chest, like a hot knife through soft butter, you lunged forward, trying to stop it before it happened, but you were too late, and you fell right through. It was as if you were a ghost. You couldn't touch anything, couldn't be heard, just trapped in this nightmare, unable to do a thing. 

All of a sudden, Dean's body was enveloped into a white light, and within seconds, he was completely healed. The demon chuckled and glared down at Dean, picking up a chain from the embers of the fire, and laying them, red hot, across Dean's chest, and the torture began all over again.

"Alastair...I can't...I can't do it." Dean was pleading, but he didn't want to become the one thing he hated most. He was conflicted, trying to decide whether or not to falter. The demon, Alastair, cackled darkly in a low monotone, then shifted his appearance. Suddenly it wasn't the demon anymore, but Sam. The demon changed his appearance to portray Dean's own baby brother, the one person he loved more than anything or anyone, the man he died to save. "No...Alastair! Don't! Not like that! You can't-" His sentence was cut off by his own scream as another blade was slammed directly through his forearm. 

This 'new Sam' glared down at Dean with a wicked grin, and black eyes. 

"What's the matter Dean? Guilt creeping up on you again?"

"You listen to me you sick son of a bitch..."

"No! You listen!" Sam snapped at him, driving a second blade through his opposing forearm. "You ruined everything for me! I was going to be a lawyer! I was going to marry Jessica, and be happy all on my own! I was rid of you, rid of dad, and most importantly, I got out! I got away and you dragged me back in. If you had just left me alone, Jess would still be alive, half our friends wouldn't have died, and I would have been happy. I pitied you and look where it got me! I am stuck in a vicious circle for the rest of my life because of you. I wanted to be normal, and happy, and you ruined everything!" 

Sam turned and grabbed a bottle of what smelled like pure rubbing alcohol, and poured it into Dean's open wounds, causing another guttural cry to emit from the depths of Dean's throat. Sam laughed and took hold of another hot poker, running it over Dean's exposed torso, before continuing his hateful speech. 

"I bet you are wondering what I've been up to since you died, huh? Well, my fiance was killed by demons, and to tell you the truth, I am glad they did, because now I have something you'll never get...something you always wanted but never went after. Something important to you." Just then, a second demon arrived, and your mouth dropped in shock. She looked identical to you. Same hair, same face, and figure, the only difference was her eyes were pure black like Sam's. "I got her."

Dean looked between the two demons for only a moment before looking away, really beginning to pull at his restraints. Apparently this was striking a cord with him, and he was really getting riled. 

"Oh Dean, you didn't think I would just leave her on her own after you died, did you? Did you believe she would leave me all alone with a newborn that I know nothing about raising? We've been playing house together since the day those hounds ripped you apart, using each other for some means of 'support'. Leaning on the other, so to speak, in more ways then I bet you'd care to hear. I wasn't afraid to make the move on her. Unlike you. You never made that move. You thought you were being selfless, protecting her by keeping your walls up, but really you were killing her. Did you think she would just wait for you to come back, sitting around forever waiting on you? No. She turned to me for comfort over your loss, and I gave her everything she needed. Ask her yourself..."

Sam gestured toward the demon form of yourself, and she stepped forward with a jaded smirk. 

"Hello Dean...you aren't looking so good there, but I suppose you deserve it after you ruined so many lives. Mine included. It wasn't bad enough that you taught me how to be a hunter, took me on the road, and made me fall in love with you, no...you had to do all that, and leave it all in a grey area. I had to guess what you were feeling, and kept myself away from good chances, hanging onto that single shred of hope that one day you would be selfish, and keep me all to yourself. You never did that for me, and I hate you for it. You made me what I am, and left me in the dark. I was relieved when you died, because it opened my eyes to realize that it should have been Sam. At least he loved me back." 

Dean struggled, rubbing his wrists raw and bloody at the straps as he began to yell. 

"I've had it Alastair! Okay! I can't do this anymore! You win! I agree! Okay!?" Something inside 'your' words completely shattered him, and the emotion anguish that put on him was worse than any physical pain he had ever felt. You yourself flew to his side, touching his face and weeping hard, though he didn't even know you were there. 

"Dean! No! Don't listen to them! It isn't true...I mean it is, but I don't hate you...please, please hear me! Don't do this! Dean please!" You begged him frantically, knowing he would regret it if he agreed, and the replica demons vanished. Alastair returned in his original form, snapping his fingers and letting Dean's restraints loose. He was healed, once again, and then you saw something very dark awaken inside the eldest Winchester. 

Flashes began to play out before your eyes, images of Dean torturing other souls, and learning the wickedest of tricks from Alastair himself. He was a whole new breed of evil now, and you stood powerless to stop it. You screamed, tried to stop him, but to no avail. You were trapped there, watching some of the darkest moments of Dean's stay in Hell. Was it real? You didn't believe so, but regardless, it hurt to see, and know that the reason he broke, was the simple idea that you had fallen for Sam. 

~~~

You suddenly sat up in bed, gasping for air. Your body was drenched in sweat, your face stained from crying all night as you slept, and your voice hoarse from the screaming. Sam sat beside you, looking worried sick before he gave a breath of relief, and pulled you into his arms. You flinched and backed away, trying to catch your breath as fresh tears welled up hot in your eyes. Sam looked shocked, and you dropped your face into your hands, weeping heavily into them. 

"Y/N? What happened? I couldn't wake you...I've been trying almost all morning. You started to scream, and it was like you were somewhere else..."

"It was a nightmare...but it was so real. Something bad is happening...it's bad...it was so bad..." You wept harder after your reply, unable to get rid of the images flashing through your mind. The broken expression on Dean's face, the way he died over and over again in thousands of ways, just to be healed and do it all over. Sam moved forward and offered his hand, afraid to make another move that might upset you. 

"Tell me what happened?"

"Sam I know we aren't in love...but you'd stay right? What if I am going crazy? What if these nightmares get worse? What if everything falls apart? I don't want to be alone, because I can't trust my judgement right now...not after that. I just want to feel okay, and you are the only one who can do that for me, and I don't want you to dissappear...I can't let you vanish too. I feel so guilty...If what I saw is anything close to what Dean is actually going through then...I'll never forgive myself. I could never forgive myself for that...I have to get him out Sammy..." You sobbed, covering your mouth, and feeling terribly guilty for the interactions you had shared with Sam the night before. 

"He can't stay there...I know we've tried everything, but if I have to get drastic then I will..."

"Listen to me Y/N...I am not going to go anywhere. You stayed with me through my crazy psychic stage, and tolerated me through all the bad. I could never abandon you, especially not after everything you've done for me. You could be a total mental case, and I would still be right here, do you understand me?" Sam lifted your chin to meet your gaze, making sure you knew what he was saying, and just like before, the hurt began to fade, very slowly, but at least it was bearable. 

He gestured for you to come forward, and he let you rest your head on his shoulder, hugging you close and running his hands over your shoulders to comfort the pain you felt inside. It did make you feel better, knowing that no matter what, Sam would never up and walk away. He was okay with telling you how he was feeling, wheras if it were Dean, it was like pulling teeth to get him to open up on an emotional level. 

After your crying faded, the two of you sat in a comfortable silence, and you had to remember, it was just a dream. Maybe what you had seen was just what you thought was going on, and wasn't real at all. You told Sam about everything you had seen, leaving out the detail of Alastair's name, and describing it all as best as you could remember. Sam felt terrible to hear about it, and felt worse that you had gone through seeing such things. Yeah, there was some truth to what the demons had said, but it was blown so far out of proportion, that Sam refused to think that Dean would believe a word of it, especially when it was being said by a demon. 

"You didn't see his face Sam...when he found out that we were...kind of...well whatever it is we are doing, he was devastated. I swear I could hear something break on the inside. He gave in to a demon, and turned against everything he ever believed in. He let in all the bad things because nothing could hurt him more than that. I don't know why though...he never said a word to me, not about any 'chick flick' feelings of his, or if he cared more than he wanted to admit, so I am lost.

What am I supposed to do Sam? Sit around and wait, hoping he comes back someday and miraculously realizes his feelings for me? Move on and be happy with someone else? Would he care if I did? I have no idea what he wanted from me, but if that was all true...I can't take that kind of guilt. To know he was so wrecked by my being with anyone but him that he willingly gave in to a demon, and willingly tortured people for fun to relieve the hurt. I want to be happy...I just want to be okay." 

Feeling as though you could break all over again, you pressed your forehead into the crook of Sam's neck, curling up into his hold and keeping your tears detained. You had no idea what to think, or do, but for a moment, the weight of the world dissipated, and all your mind thought about was how warm Sam was against your chilly skin. Here you were, a weeping wreck, bawling over the thoughts that another man, may or may not have, in a situation he may or may not even be in, and Sam's natural reaction was to accept you, exactly as you were, and help you to get through it.

"You deserve to be happy Y/N. No matter what that means to anyone else. You've done nothing but look out for everyone around you, worrying about what everyone else wants, but it's time you started to think about yourself. It's okay to be selfish, it's healthy to be, at least a little. If you aren't happy being a hunter, then don't be. If you want to wait for Dean to make some miraculous comeback and think you would be happy waiting, I support that too. No matter what you want, I support you okay? You won't have to do anything alone if you don't want to. I just want to get you back on your feet, and make sure you are okay. No...we might not be in love, but I do care, and like I said, I want to take away the hurt for you. I am not going anywhere."

His words lifted so much burden off your shoulders. They were genuine. He meant it. Even if you wanted to wait for Dean, even if you wanted to abandon the Winchesters all together, abandon hunting, and vanish into thin air, you knew by the sound of his voice, he would help you to do it, without hesitation, especially if he knew it would make you happy. Looking up at him, you tried to understand why he had always been so good to you, and though you both acknowledged that you weren't 'in love', you couldn't deny that you did love Sam, to some extent. 

Sam had Garth come to pick up Maggie, taking her to Bobby for a few days, allowing Sam to give you all his attention, and give you some time to sort things out for yourself. After you showered, you returned to a clean pair of pajamas, tossed your hair up, and curled onto the couch, turning on the television wordlessly. You weren't really paying it any mind, lost in thoughts, trying to figure out what it was you truly wanted for yourself. Without a word spoken, Sam joined you on the couch, having brought a large blanket and sitting down, bringing you up into his hold and letting you curl up onto his chest. He kept his arms around you, not needing to say anything to make you feel more at ease.

You rested your head against his chest, closing your eyes to listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It was even and melodic, a sound you enjoyed listening to. The rain poured over the windows, thunder rolling in the distance, and all of that put together with the sound of Sam's heart was perfect. Exactly what you needed. Sam turned the channel to a music station, playing soft, relaxing, instrumental, tunes, and got more comfortable with you resting against him. His fingers trailed up and down your back in a comforting manner with on hand while the other held you close to him. Both of you remained silent, not needing anything but the presence of the other. It was perfect really, and though it made you feel a little guilty, in this solitary moment, you were completely content.


End file.
